倒數

沒想到上一篇文章居然是兩個月前的事了。最近其實也沒做什麼特別的事，只是一直不斷地倒數。

倒數著口試的日期。
倒數著在這個「我在美國的故鄉」僅剩的時光。

事情並沒有比較少，一樣要準備教書、寫 paper 、老闆甚至告訴我還要再做實驗。我也默默接受了，因為我已經明白這就是走學術這條路的生活。

我現在只剩下一個微小的心願：可以在離開之前拜訪本州那些聞名遐邇、所有學生都在第一、二年去遍了的那些國家公園。我真的希望這個願望可以實現啊。

我今天被問到：「口試是不是會緊張？」我認真地想了一下，發現我其實只是心裡有點浮躁，但算不上浮躁。論文都和我朝夕相處那麼久了，我已經做了一切我能做的事情了，還有什麼好緊張的？

最近聽了一首歌深受感動。我不是什麼教徒、也沒什麼堅貞的信仰（雖然我從小隨著外婆、媽媽和阿姨默默地愛著林默娘小姐），小時候在合唱團裡唱到聖歌時也只會受音樂感動，但這樣不曉得為什麼就特別被下面這首歌觸動。

也許是：我已經盡了人事，剩下的我就只能 Stand 了。Stand 是承受一切、是站得直挺挺地無愧於心、是有信心可以渡過一切即將發生的事、是絕不動搖。

I stand.

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dT4EubJ919I&w=640&h=360]

What do you do
When you've done all you can
And it seems like you can't make it through
And what do you say when your friends turn away
You're alone

Tell me what do you give
When you've given your all
And it seem like you can't make it through
Well you just stand when there's nothing left to do
You just stand
Watch the Lord see you through
Yes after you've done all you can
You just stand
Tell me what do you do

(Kathrine)
When you given your all and it seems
It seems you can't make it through
Well you just stand
When there's nothing left to do you just stand
Watch the Lord see you through
Yes after you do all you can
You just stand
Stand and be sure
And be not entangled
In bondage again

Stand and endure
God has a plan
God has a plan tell me what do you do
When you don't know
And it seems like you can't make it through
Through the storm

Through the rain
Through the hurt
I'll through the pain
I'll hold on

I'll be strong
God will stand in
It won't be long
After you've done all you can
You just stand.